Kallhall Boys

The Intuitive Seeker

Behavioral Patterns Unraveled

In 2015 I discovered the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), a personality categorizing theory based on works on human archetypes by Carl Jung. It is constructed more from clinical observation than traditional scientific studies, so it has its critics. The five-factor model (Big 5) however, seems to be much more rigid and scientific and the similarities are quite clear. For me, it’s beyond doubt that MBTI can give valuable insights to how different personalities functions and expresses themselves in the social world.

I did several online tests, like 15 or so, most with the same result (about 70% INFP and 30% INTP). On one of the most popular sites, 16personalities.com, however, the explanations and the choice of words describing those profiles amazed me. Now, I’m aware of the tendency to embrace positive descriptions about oneself – and that positive descriptions can apply to almost anyone – but I have been an introspective brooder all my life and have always tried to put my feelings and inner workings into words. 16personalities bestowed me with precise phrases and wonderfully put sentences that I almost, but not quite, had been able to stitch together myself. Some pieces fell in place. This meant I could also better be explained and understood by others which, since I have a tendency often to malfunction according to social conformist extraverted norms, was of great potential usefulness.

Inspired, I got my friends and my companion to do the test. Javed, of course, included. He got assigned to the personality type ENTP. I will cherry-pick descriptions of this profile from various sources and reflect on them. The point is not to analyze the validity of MBTI. The point is to use them as a tool to talk about Javed’s personality.

In broad context, and simply put, ENTP means:

  • Extraverted: Recharges energy from spending time with people. Action oriented.
  • INtuitive: Theory and principles over facts and data. More interested in future possibilities rather than the present and tangible.
  • Thinker: Uses the gathered and perceived information from a detached and rational standpoint.
  • Perceiver: Prefers to keep decisions open and to “show the world” the intuitive reasoning.

Eloquent Labels

Many sites call the ENTP profile “The Debater”. It is also called “The Visionary” and “The Intuitive Seeker” (closely resembling one of the titles of my profile, “The Creative Seeker”). All those epithets characterize Javed well. In social gatherings, I could picture myself presenting him like this:

-This is my friend Javed “The Debater” Fristedt. By the way, I see that you are strongly patriotic, god-fearing and convinced Brazil will win the Soccer World Cup *takes off’*

Or in a new workplace:

-This is our new colleague, Javed “The Visionary” Fristedt. I see that you think you have it all figured out and that no further improvement is possible… *takes off*

It doesn’t make sense to present him in a close personal situation, but “Intuitive Seeker” would be a hallmark trait of his. You could describe it as just a constant drive towards having some fun, but it always was a deeper and more complex emotion, no matter how simple the result. From childhood he had to invent meaning in a broad circumstance of abandonment and loneliness. He had no contact with his father (who didn’t even live in Sweden). His mother wasn’t very present and could disappear for weeks, or months, sometimes without even informing in advance. He would just find a little stack of money for food on the kitchen table. This was the situation right from when we became friends, he being 11 years of age, to when he left to study in the US (about 19 years of age). Other relatives: none.

Paths to Happiness

Javed had to find ways to keep the dread of being alone in the world at bay. In solitude, for instance, he could restlessly focus on the toys and things his mother would give him and tried to either master them or picking them apart (a motivational force also consisting of some vengeance, I assume) and explore their mechanics. Television also gave a sense of company in absence of real people. He preferred sleeping on the couch to the sound of people speaking, in the flickering lights of the telly.

Best of all, though, would be finding activities that would seize the attention and excitement of others and in this manner secure both true company and joy. Being “in the flow” with peers was one of his prime desires, if not THE prime desire. From day 1 of our friendship he was strongly enthusiastic with a million ideas on what to do. That intrigued me and got my imagination going. Our output turned out to be quite alike. As Personality Junkie express it about my profile: “Curious and restless, they enjoy entertaining new ideas and possibilities. They are rarely content with what is, preferring instead to focus their sights on what could be.” …I remember us standing in front of a movie stand just hours into our friendship, already having plotted out activities for days, and for some reason cringing over articulating aloud a suggestion that I do a sleepover at Javed’s. This question was in the air, understood by both, but since we just met it was a bit crazy. Also, both were reluctant to deflate the overload of inspiration that just had sprung into existence. Anyways, it ended with me doing this sleepover and the rest is history.

Resonating Virtues

This was a very personalized take on a couple of aspects of his character, but what does MBTI say about it?

Personality Junkie: “ENTPs are versatile, open-minded, and restless. Easily bored, they are constantly toying with new ideas and scanning for possibilities. Because of their insatiable thirst for novelty, their interests can seem limitless.” And: “Not only are they constantly scanning for new possibilities, but also generating new ideas and associations. Moreover, ENTPs enjoy sharing and exchanging their ideas with others.”

One can see matching traits between us and an everlasting brainstorming mode was the backbone of our friendship.

About the social need (and just ignore the technicalities – Personality Junkie often get into details): “NTPs’ tertiary function, Extraverted Feeling (Fe), is a strong interpersonal function. This, along with their verbose Ne, contributes to ENTPs’ love for engaging with others possessing similar interests. Despite their tendency toward restlessness and distractibility, ENTPs can focus when partaking in stimulating discussions or activities. Like INTPs, they are more interested in discussing ideas than engaging in small talk.”

Now, small talk has always been a deplorable activity to me. When I’m low in energy I sometimes just can’t do it, even though I often, on an emotional level, take moral responsibility for how social situations play out. Javed and I only very rarely did some, for us unnatural, small talk. Since I am prone to go off the social grid from time to time (on which 16personalities states: “INFPs will always need to disappear for a while, removing themselves from others so they can re-center on their own minds and feelings.”) we had several periods of time off (much to Javed’s grievance, I’m afraid). When we reconnected after months or more it could sound something like this:

-Yo!
-Hi there! Long time!
-So what’s up?
-The ceiling. You?
-Going okay. So anyway, I discovered this thing…

I very much appreciate openings like that. Or to just dive into hard facts or sensitive details on the current psychological state (“real matters” in my mind), but the latter was not our usual focus, although it became more pronounced the older we got.

But I think it was yet another dimension to this. I my view (and I strongly believe he would have agreed) we made a silent contract from the very beginning. If I try to put it in words it could spell something like this: “Ok, so reality kind of sucks but let’s create joy in it regardless!” I’m sure any friendship could ascribe to a silent contract like that, but we both had crumbled parental foundations to wobble on, so it had a significant component of need and necessity to it that hopefully were beyond – or below – standard.

If the exchange of ideas and visions were the backbone of our friendship, the silent contract of rallying inspiration and defeating hopelessness was the marrow going through its spinal column. Sometimes it felt almost like we could merge our upbeat streams of consciousnesses, but that is a topic for a separate post.

Fruitful Differences

Personality Junkie: “ENTPs are among the most versatile, open, adaptable of all types, displaying a broad array of interests and activities. Because of their openness and versatility, they can find love and compatibility with a number of different personality types.”

Javed wasn’t at all apprehensive about approaching others and make new acquaintances – quite the contrary in fact. This is to no surprise since he was extraverted, but nevertheless, I think he was really bent on seeing other people as possibilities and great potential until proven otherwise. As a contrast, I tend to see other people as suppressors of my inner freedom and potential problem until proven otherwise (and good luck with that). This meant that Javed tended to bring people into our sphere that I normally would have shied away from. A good and rather fresh example of this is happening was when we played The Division, an online cooperative computer game. Javed wanted us to gang up with two other players. I accepted, as usual a fair bit doubtful. Javed never hesitated when I was just merely doubtful. In his optimistic mind I would soon come to see how awesome his idea would turn out to be, no problem. We teamed up with these guys who showed themselves to be very nice and witty. It was a starting point for one and a half year of gaming and fun in their company. I actually made a video out of this meeting about a year ago (from the perspective of one of the guys who happened to record it). An awesome idea indeed.

16personalities: “Being inclined to suppress their emotions and feelings, when ENTPs are faced with a friend who, figuratively or literally, needs a shoulder to cry on, they have no clue how to handle the situation. They are perfectly willing and happy to offer a series of rational, reasonable solutions to the problem at hand, as ENTPs do for any situation where a problem needs to be fixed, but they are certainly not known for their sensitivity or outward affection, no matter how intuitively they may understand another’s position.”

Quite harsh, but quite true in my experience. Also showing that there is no positive trait without a negative side. Sometimes I could get a surprisingly oversimplified or one-sided short response after having expressed an anxiety or heavyheartedness, as well as a raise in “sweaty” tension in the air. Like as if he got bothered even though he wanted to be of help, wanted me to be open about my troubles and had a clear insight in the dilemma at hand. But I primarily need others to foster inspiration and to share my passions with, not to digest personal problems. I stated early in this post that I have been an introspective brooder all my life and that also encompasses privately resolving most of my inner sufferings.

16personalities: “INFPs crave the depth of mutual human understanding, but tire easily in social situations; they are excellent at reading into others’ feelings and motivations, but are often unwilling to provide others the same insight into themselves – it’s as though INFPs like the idea of human contact, but not the reality of social contact.”

Amazingly spot on. Cannot help but to post the rest from the passage (some of which already is cited). Why trying to put into words, with childlike clumsiness, what has already been constructed with sage like mastery?

“But, if INFPs’ shields are properly navigated and they decide to open up and trust another person, a strong, stable friendship will ensue, marked by passionate support and idealism, subtle poetic wit, and a level of emotional insight that is hard to match. INFPs’ friends will be rewarded with calm, sensitivity and depth, and an ever-present desire to help, learn, and grow. But even the most confident and assertive INFPs will only be able to keep up this relaxed and present exterior for so long.
    INFPs will always need to disappear for a while, removing themselves from others so they can re-center on their own minds and feelings. Often enough people with the INFP personality type will emerge from this time alone having come to some momentous decision that even their closest friends didn’t know was weighing on them, evading even the option of receiving the sort of support and advice they so readily give. Such is INFPs’ way, for better or for worse.”

What this meant in practice was that Javed’s stern rationalism matched my reluctancy to lay my own weighty feelings on the table. Instead, we put our efforts in our silent contract of inspiration boosting and on exchanging ideas. And sometimes on Javed’s, mostly existential, troubles.

Back to the Goal Driven Visionary

When we played cooperative computer games, we often would pick the essentials of the game or scenario apart, like a constant live review. Or playing was just a busy backdrop when analyzing something entirely different. In a way, we always “debated” things, although we were usually inclined to quickly reach agreement (due to excellent reasoning and taste, of course…). This was especially true if inspiration boosting was the target – an Achilles’ heel of Javed’s rationality where the inner, eternally young, child shone through. Otherwise he would never dodge or sugar coat anything.

16personalities lists ENTP’s weaknesses. It starts with:

  • “Very Argumentative – If there’s anything ENTPs enjoy, it’s the mental exercise of debating an idea, and nothing is sacred. More consensus-oriented personality types rarely appreciate the vigor with which ENTP personalities tear down their beliefs and methods, leading to a great deal of tension.
  • Insensitive – Being so rational, ENTPs often misjudge others feelings and push their debates well past others’ tolerance levels. People with this personality type don’t really consider emotional points to be valid in such debates either, which magnifies the issue tremendously.
  • Intolerant – Unless people are able to back up their ideas in a round of mental sparring, ENTPs are likely to dismiss not just the ideas but the people themselves. Either a suggestion can stand up to rational scrutiny or it’s not worth bothering with.”
When I read this, I realize that those were parts I considered to make up a substantial part of his masculinity. Rational and not so worried and occupied with what others might feel: An ingenious force that didn’t back down. Weaknesses or strengths – it’s a matter of situation.

He also refused to give up when we worked together towards an established objective, if it didn’t indeed turn up to be hopelessly impossible. That shared established objective would most often be a challenge or a mission in a computer game, since that is about what we did, living on different continents. I have another friend that I play cooperative games with now and then. He just seek the amount of stimulation and tension to be somewhat occupied by the activity. Preferably walk the easy road without burdensome deviation. If things get hard, he protests and calls for a lowering of difficulty. Bleh. This is where I start to improvise and play unstrategic to just to keep it alive and worth pursuing. When I gamed with Javed, on the other hand, and things got a bit too hard even for my taste, he just got invigorated and optimistic. “Let’s figure out how to crack this!” he could say. “There must be way!” The bravado and unflinching eager to problem solve worked like rocket fuel on my inner machinery. Hardly even the sky was the limit for our dynamic duo in challenge mode.
Not us, but very much us

I’m serious, though. I believe we could have achieved great things if we were more driven to invent and do business. I’m not. For instance, what does “great things” even mean? And so forth. Javed was really entrepreneur-minded. Kind of a businessman, actually, but…it’s nice to just relax and have a good time with friends. And to perhaps gamble some. Which leads me to the next topic.

The Daredevil

Personalitypage lists a weakness and a potential problem for the ENTP profile:

  • Big risk-takers and big spenders, not usually good at managing money.
  • Can often find themselves in bad situations by too quickly taking a big step forward or by being “too smart for their own good”.

True. Javed was quite good at creating money, but not at keeping it. Money is a clear target for innovative problem solving that often would involve fascinatingly complex systems. He had a lot of abilities working for him on that, but also things working against him. He was a gambler, prone to bet all on one horse or go all in after having vigorously evaluated the field. The bigger the risk, the greater the reward is a well-known quote. Still, I think it was more to it, namely the old, unstable pursuit of excitement and revenge.

Revenge? Well, I wrote earlier about vengeance as one of the motivations for picking toys apart. The reasoning for this is not complicated. The toys were in large a compensation for his mother not being present, but gadgets don’t come close to match the importance of not being taken care of properly by parents during the upbringing. A child can display how obviously bad this tradeoff is by destroying, and thus neglecting, the offered settlement. I got a sense of this already when we were kids.

A darker and deeper consequence of fundamental abandonment is beginning to destroy oneself. To inflict self-harm. That’s a very powerful protest (also showing how severe abandonment can be for a child). A variation is to adhere to a personal narrative like this: I wasn’t worth taking care of properly, so I won’t take care of myself properly. Javed did not actively hurt himself, but he had a self-destructive side to him which I think had to do with this foundation. We talked about it at several occasions.

I think Javed was a survivor. In many ways a success story by his own making. I want people to know some of what he conquered in life and to understand why this rational and truly smart being could be reckless and careless at times. The right question, in the end, isn’t why he could be reckless and careless – it was why he wasn’t more reckless and more careless.

Benevolent Protector

Maybe one can break down commitment and kindness between people to a bunch of isolated components, like, say, general altruism, empathy, concern, imagination and such. I cannot break down Javed’s adult generosity towards others – I think that would require more physical presence in social situations and discussion with him – but from what I do can piece together I reckon he would stand out in a couple of those components. He could be very generous and prone to help those in need. That’s beyond doubt.

About this subject I haven’t found anything relevant in my MBTI sources. I presume his personality type in general isn’t the good Samaritan kind.

So, I think this undoubtful circumstance shows the profound value other people had to him. They were – we were – the pillars on which his world rested.

And you will always be a part of me.
Back